Honne and tatemae

Japanese have well defined tools how to keep the harmony in the society, called honne and tatemae.

Honne is the genuine truth, the feelings and opinions they really have. And tatemae is the facade, the face they show in public.

When speaking tatemae, Japanese are overly polite, say things they might not really mean and behave the way they might not want, just for the sake of keeping peace, good relationships and harmony. And in public, they always speak tatemae. It is commonly known and accepted that everyone does it. They don't show what they really think.

Having the concepts of honne and tatemae so clearly defined, they are actually being honest about dishonesty. They admit that they are only artificially polite, and are fine with this.

I have a big problem because of this. I always try to be honest and I try to express my honne as much as I can afford to (yes, even in other countries there are some rules about being polite, but it doesn't go as far as in Japan). I think I'm sometimes even pushing my public expression of honne too far. I value honesty much more than politeness and harmony.

Here, when someone speaks to you, you never know if they are just speaking tatemae or whether this tatemae corresponds to their honne. How can you know? How do Japanese know? And how can this be a basis for a good relationship, when you don't even know if they are just polite to you, or whether they really mean it. And what is good about being polite if it is plain obvious that you don't mean it and that you are just showing a nice face?

My book says "In Japan people can understand the differences between honne and tatemae because they have grown up with these dual concepts. People switch easily and skillfully between the two and are rarely aware that they can cause misunderstandings and confusion among people who are not accustomed to this way of interacting." "Many non-Japanese have difficulty in adapting to Japan because the extensive use of tatemae makes it very difficult to find out what people really think."

So from this I can conclude that
1) It is normal that their way of communicating confuses me.
2) Japanese can obviously distinguish when someone is speaking honne and when tatemae. (So what is the point then?)

Sado: A Japanese tea ceremony

An aunt of one of the guys from the lab is a teacher of sado, a Japanese tea ceremony, and she kindly invited me to attend it. I didn't take any photos myself, it just didn't feel right and I wanted to fully enjoy the ceremony.

Sado is one of the most famous traditional Japanese customs and I was extremely excited about attending it. There are only a few things that I've heard about it before: that it takes years to learn how to properly serve tea and that it's extremely hard to sit in the right position for the whole duration of the ceremony. And, surprise surprise, that there are rules about how to behave when attending a ceremony. Of course I didn't know any and was probably behaving like a barbarian.


The women serving tea are dressed in kimono. There are 5 tatami mats arranged in the room, and a place for a tea pot in the middle. The room is decorated with a flower and a sumi-e painting, both are chosen according to the season.


Before drinking tea, you are served a small sweet on a special Japanese paper. Every time you eat or drink you have to bow. We drank matcha. It is prepared by whisking green matcha powder by a bamboo whisk into hot water. It is served in a nice bowl, carefully heated before puring the tea water inside. You should drink one bowl in 3 to 4 sips. If you make noise sipping, it means that you like it. After drinking, you should observe and admire the bowl.

The ceremony is as much about enjoying and watching the preparation and the ambient as it is about drinking tea. It was a wonderful experience.

If I wanted to describe it step by step, it would take pages, and I only observed - I don't even know all the rules! In the end they lent me a book so that I can read more about it.

Getting closer to Koreans

Even more confusing.

Akihabara

Akihabara: an Electic town neigbourhood. According to my guidebook, "nowhere in the world will you find such a range of electrical appliances, spending half a day flitting from store to noisy store may well be your nirvana". And Japanese are crazy about electrical appliances. Everyone from the lab always carries around their electronic dictionary.

Akihabara is also something like a "manga mecca". Manga are cartoon characters from comic books. Many Japanese otaku (geeks, obsessed with collecting something) are crazy about collecting everything about them. Normally they are just cartoon characters, but often they include underdressed women, too.

The Japanese mind 2 (Group solidarity and alcohol)

According to the book, group solidarity is very important in Japan and individuality is something people try to avoid. In general, people try to follow the crowd and try to agree with the others. Good relationship is more important than expressing their own opinion.

They also value the feeling of belonging to a group. I've heard that it is therefore often that young people that are members of a sports club are expected, and often forced, to drink alcohol at social events to build the feeling of belonging to a group. Someone from the lab told me he was forced by his superiors in a kendo (Japanese fencing) club to drink alcohol until he could bear it. That he didn't agree with it, but it was something normal. When he was 18... I was shocked!

"Do all Europeans have big eyes, like you?"

Asian girls are unhappy because of their looks - because their eyelids above eyes are small. Apparently our eyes look much more beautiful for them. And increasingly more girls decide for an eyelid surgery, I heard it's been quite common. They do it to be more beautiful and because they believe it is easier to find a job if they look good.

Japanese clubs and societies

Yesterday University of Tokyo held a big festival where all student clubs and societies presented what they do. Many food stalls, music and crowds of students. One of the Master's students from the lab had a performance with his band on the biggest stage there, and he invited us to come to listen to him. Very positively surprised... great songs and a great singer (unfortunately a bad quality video, and of the song that wasn't even my favourite).



After the concert we went to see some of the clubs and societies... Very interesting to see what Japanese students do.

Martial arts (judo, taekwondo, aikido, karate and everyhting else you can imagine, and what you cannot... the one of the photo I've never even heard of).


Sumi-e (ink brush artistic writing)

Origami


Some kind of a traditional card game involving a lot of memory use and quick arm movements.


And this is a short video of the best student band I've ever seen. I was so impressed that I haven't even though of filming. The guy in the middle with some kind of a violin (what is this instrument?) was a real star, I'm so sorry I didn't catch him playing in the video, and that I only filmed one very nonrepresentative part of a song.



And in the evening we went to the famous Shibuya. They took me to Karaoke :)))))) And to izakaya, a Japanese style "pub", where they go for drinking, eating and socializing.

This post is already too long, and yet I could continue writing more and more. It was a great day, again full of new experiences, new food and great company.

Christmas

"Japanese don't celebrate Christmas." What a joke! Despite the majority of population following Buddhism and Shinto, I've been seeing "Merry Christmas" messages all around. And sitting in a Starbucks, enjoying my sweet fluorescent green macha tea latte, I'm never excused of listening to Christmas songs. Every single song!

But there is a big difference. While in Europe people traditionally spend Christmas with their families, Japanese tend to spend it with their boyfriend/girlfriend. It is much more important for couples, it seems to be like a little Valentine's day.

My last night in Japan will be Christmas. Without my family and without a boyfriend.

The Japanese mind 1 (Communication)

Trying to understand the people I work with, I bought a book "The Japanese Mind" (Davies, Ikeno). I learned that one of the main characteristics of Japanese is that they don't put much stress on verbal communication. They communicate implicitly, talking around the topic and rely on reading each other's mind. Open communication and expressing their mind clearly is considered rude, childish and putting themselves into a superior position above the other person by assuming they don't understand anything.

On the other hand, I personally value clear and open communication, as I've increasingly become more aware in the last years how important clear communication is in any kind of a relationship. And I consider this as something positive and a good skill.

So you can imagine... Different background, values, way of thinking. Misunderstandings must occur all the time. And it's so easy to hurt the others without even knowing.

Kamakura

A day out of Tokyo to visit Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples. I was properly thought how to do prayers in both ways (and had to do them, too)!

More Japanese sweets

These I just watched. Were too expensive to buy.

Ambulance

Ambulance stuff in Japan (drivers, doctors, nurses) wear helmets!!! The same as building site workers wear in UK or Slovenia.

I asked if they were firemen, but was told it was an ambulance :)

Culinary day

Today turned out to be a guided culinary day. I must have tried up to 40 new different crackers, pickles, sweets and nuts, here are some of them.

Rice crackers in soya sauce, wrapped in seaweed.


Another type of manjuu, with pieces of sweet potato.


Nuts, 6 different sorts ended in my bag!


Those things on the left are tiny fish with little silver eyes. On the right are tiny shrimp. Both in sweetened soya sauce.


The strangest thing I tried: Grashoppers prepared in sweetened soya sauce. Apparently Japanese kids love catching them and then give to their mothers to prepare them.

Ice-cream vending machine

The first time that I see something like this.

More maples from Nikko

Beautiful.

Tsukiji fish market

Tokyo 5am. Arrival of the catch to one of the biggest fish markets in the world, Tokyo Tsukiji fish market. The wholesale auction begins. Huge tunas waiting to be sold and sent all around Tokyo to turn up on sashimi platters.


7.00am. Wandering around the market, my eyes cannot get enough. And I even taste a free sample of a raw whale!



7.30am. I queue for 1 hour in the cold in front of to one of the market's sushi shops for the best, the freshest and the most expensive sushi of my lifetime.

9.00am. Chef's choice of 10 sushi pieces + a huge oyster was an excellent choice. I'm full and it feels like in heaven. Time to go to work.

2nd floor

The supermarkets in Japan seemed so strange. So small, and such a strange selection of foods. Only today I realized they all have a 2nd floor!! Could they hide it even better?

To laugh or to cry?

Unpleasant experience of my friend has thought me to make sure before I left UK that I told my bank that I will be using my debit card in Japan and Australia. And then...

It all started yesterday when after attempting to withdraw money, my card nevertheless appeared on a fraud prevention list and had to be cancelled. After talking with HSBC over the phone, I made the withdrawal what they authorised me to do, and we agreed they will send me a new card to Japan.

And now I have just spent one hour with them on the phone to inform me about the withdrawal that I informed them I would make yesterday. And for me to confirm that the withdrawal they authorized me to do was not fraud! And to go though the whole sending-card-to-japan-and-spelling-address-thing again.

All this on my costs, despite dialing the number they told me to dial in order for all costs to be payed by them. One hour call from J-a-p-a-n. Maybe they could have just taken my money and closed my account.

Getting closer to Japanese

Why are relationships so difficult?

What is the reason for misunderstanding?

Is it
- cultural differences
- personality differences
- communication in a foreign language
- communication through email and SMS
- differences between men and women
- circumstances?

God help me.

Japanese writing style confusion

Japanese traditionally write in columns top to bottom, from right to left, from the "back towards the front" of a book. Or more recently due to western infuence, in rows from left to right, from front to back. (Apparently once you master quick reading in one style, it's painful and slow to switch to another.)

If this is so, why is the title here "in the middle" then? Who can guess?

Hanazono-jinja

Lively little street with a Japanese shrine, hidden between big blocks, neon lights and flushing displays.

I love these lights around shrines. They look really pretty.

Interesting way of preparing fish. Has anyone seen/tried these before?

Sladkorna pena (sorry I don't know an english expression) - very Japanese style packaging.

Dry fish.

"High heel" kimono shoes

... or geta.

And 17th - 19th century high heel shoes for men. In case of rain!

Sake - rice wine

Served from a big bottle (apparently 1.8l) to a cup on a little plate. They fill in the cup completely, so that sake goes over and fills in the plate as well. You drink it by putting your mouth to the cup and sip until you make enough space to lift the cup without spilling. And then you can either sip the sake from the plate or put it into the cup. Uh, that was hard to explain. And I was told it wasn't that strong. But it is! Didn't like it too much.

Monday morning cleaning

Every Monday 10.30am there is collective lab cleaning on the timetable. Everyone has their own task. Post-docs vacuum clean the office floor and change the garbage bags, the secretary cleans the sink, door and the door handles. The rest go to clean the experimental lab.

On the first day I was excused, but from last week I have my own task. To clean the big meeting table and the table in Professor's office!

Adventure in Shibuya

Went on a date with a Japanese stranger that contacted me through the internet, ate Mexican tapas in an Italian restaurant full of latino-looking waiters shouting in Japanese, finally got tipsy with a sake and almost missed the last train back home.

And I'm still ok.

Japanese sweets

In Shinjuku I've stumbled upon a mecca for Japanese sweet lovers! There was at least 50 little shops at the same place.


I couldn't resist but to buy some. I just randomly pointed at about 10 different things and bought them. :) Mmmmmm, everything I've tried so far is oishiiiiiii.

Shinjuku

"Shinjuku is a place to sample a taste of Tokyo's cheery sensory overload" according to my guidebook. "Streetside video screens, push-and-shove crowds, flashing neon, discount shopping arcades, hostess clubs and seamy strip bars."

Believe me, after spending several hours in a museum and having eaten only a khaki and the last muesli bar I've brought from the UK, this kind of sensory overload is the last thing you want. All restaurants only in Japanese and all plastic food models ambiguous - is it chicken or pork (I don't eat pork)? The McDonalds over the road has never been more inviting. But I didn't give in. Risked a meal at a dodgy place, and I was ok and ready to roll.


I know I'm strange but I love huge displays and flashing neon lights. Why is there nothing like this in Ljubljana or London (does Piccadilly circus even count)?

Couchsurfing

When traveling alone, you meet lots of interesting people. Either they approach you or you approach them. In any case, you're much more open to establish contact than when you travel with someone else.

Last Sunday I randomly met a French girl on the street and we spend the day sightseeing together. And she told me about couchsurfing. Couchsurfing is a website where travelers can search for, and the locals offer a place to stay. I think it's great, not only because you save money on hotels, but you also have an opportunity to meet new interesting people, see how they live and learn about their culture.

I'm going to travel for 2 weeks around Japan in December and I decided I'm going to give this couchsurfing thing a try. In the evening I filled in my profile and emailed some couchsurfers from Kyoto (where I'm going to spend the first 4 days) and voila - the next morning I had a place to stay. With a French student doing a PhD at the University of Kyoto. And I'm excited I'm finally going to sleep on a futon.

p.s. Mom, dad, don't worry. If you register with www.couchsurfing.com, I can even send you a link to this guy's profile. And please don't tell the grandma. :)

Cooking

The roles between husband and wife in Japanese marriages are still very traditional. I don't like pork and beef, and today I was asked if and how I will be able to cook pork and beef for my husband, if I don't want to taste it. I think the answer is clear. But not for them!

Kuri manjuu

Oishii!

Japanese temples in Nikko

Perfect trip. Perfect company. Perfect day. Me happy.

Welcome party

This evening they prepared a welcome party for me. It was at the department, and it was dinner. For special occasions they eat sushi.

For Slovenians: Suši je verjetno najbolj znana japonska hrana. Suši so rezine surove ribe servirane na kepici riža, ali zavite v rolo iz riža in v ovitek iz alg. Zelo okusno.


Do you know what they mix spirits with? In Europe we do it with Coke or orange juice, here they do it with tea (hot or cold).

They were all surprised when I took a grape and ate it all. They always peel it and take out the seeds. I don't understand - and on the other hand they eat the fish with bones included.

And have you ever had a dinner next to a biochemistry lab? No problem if you forget to buy salt. You can easily get the whole bottle of pure NaCl on the table.

Tina san

Here they call each other by surnames, and to be polite they add "san" in the end. Like Mr. or Ms. We don't really use Mr. or Ms. in English in every day conversations with colleagues, but they use it all the time. If their surname is Tanaka, they call them Tanaka san. If Ozaki, Ozaki san. In the beginning it was hard to me to get used to it, but now I'm starting to realize more and more how impolite it is if I call them by names, or just by surnames.

And they call me Tina san. :)

Soba

I realized I don't write much about the food I'm eating here. And eating food is actually one of my most enjoyable things here!! I love Japanese food.

It's amazing how many restaurants there are around campus. People from the lab take me to a different one every day. Here restaurants mostly specialize in one type of food. Sometimes it's only fish, sometimes only tempura, sometimes only ramen, sometimes only sushi... We mostly go to small cozy restaurants, with only a few things on the menu, and we often sit on tatami (I used to say "on the floor" but they corrected me!).

Today they took me for soba, buckwheet noodles. They thought me there are two types, hot and cold soba. The cold one is served in a traditional way, on zaru, I think it looks really pretty.


I haven't tried the cold one yet, today I had hot soba with a rice cake on top. I suspect they always on purpose choose something for me which is difficult to eat by chopsticks. Now that I've mastered how to eat the whole fish with bones, it seems they decided to go one level up (rice cake!).

Umbrella parking

That's how you can park your umbrella in front of a restaurant.


I've been think about what the purpose of this is, as Japan is known to be a very safe country, where they won't even steal money from you, let alone umbrellas. Maybe that they don't take someone else's umbrella by mistake? Probably yes - another interesting thing I noticed is that 70% of all the umbrellas here are these transparent umbrellas. They seem to be some kind of a hit.

Japanese Yen

That's how Japanese Yen(¥) look like. What do you think? Not as pretty as € or £? I like the 5¥ and 50¥ coins, they have holes in the middle.


Oh, and when you go to a shop, the person at a till doesn't have to count the change! They just type in the amount you give and the till takes care of returning the right amount of money. Don't know why we don't have such a system in Slovenia/UK. Haven't seen it anywhere before, but maybe I just never payed attention.

Matcha tea latte

Tired from the whole day of sightseeing last Saturday I wanted to sit down somewhere and get some rest. And I saw Starbucks. I felt guilty for going to Starbucks in Japan, as I normally agree with my father's motto "When in a new country, see new things, try new things, taste new things, feel new things. Employ all your senses." So I promised myself at least to try the strangest thing I find on the menu.

After entering I immediately saw lots of fluorescent green "coffees" on tables. I had to try it! I ordered "matcha tea latte" - thick powdered green tea with milk. It was good, but way too sweet! Don't know, do they sell matcha tea latte in Starbucks in the UK?


That's what you get in place where they normally give away little milks. Looks more like cosmetics, or something for the bathroom. The big transparent one was thick liquid sugar. And the small one looked like milk, but again, didn't taste like milk. I never thought milks in Japan will be so full of surprises for me.